I’m discovering more about myself through studying the enneagram. If you’re not familiar with the enneagram, it is a personality typing system that sorts human behavior into nine distinct interconnected types based on core motivations and fears. I’ve identified in the past that I have the Spiritual gift of “helps”. (By Spiritual gifts, I mean attributes and abilities instilled in me by God to be used for good in my life.) While I don’t necessarily seek out leadership positions, if a leader is needed, I can lead. While I’m not drawn to mercy ministries such as healthcare or relief efforts, I can engage in acts of mercy authentically if it is needed.
This describes the “chameleon” nature of a Three on the enneagram. I can appear to be a persona or a caricature in my lesser self—but in a healthy self I’m simply showing up authentically fulfilling a role; to be helpful to the situation.
I’ve said many times that I “hope to bring value” or “add value”. I desire to be valued and valuable. If I’m not feeling seen, heard, valued, or appreciated, I can become resentful and frustrated. In unhealthy dynamics, I can become a people pleaser and lose all sense of myself in the process. That is perhaps why my lessons with artist and teacher, Louise Fletcher have proven to be so valuable for me this year. Her lessons in intuitive art have helped me move out of “productivity” (a strong characteristic of an enneagram three) and into self-expressed creativity. (leaning into my 4 wing of the enneagram).
Conversations are important to me. Being/feeling seen and heard are important to me; not just for myself, but those I’m in conversation with. (thus my many paintings of chairs that represent the importance of conversations.)
This summer I embarked on a personal challenge to paint in my art journal for 90 days. I was mainly seeking consistency in my art practice, but realized many other benefits in the process. With this challenge I did paint most days, early in the morning, out on our screened porch. By simply showing up at the page. becoming still. listening. looking around me. getting in touch with the feeling. picking up the paint brush. finding a color that caught my attention. making a mark. respond. respond. respond. Listening to the conversation that appeared on the page. There was no performance. There was no audience other than myself. It has been quite freeing, and empowering.
This practice has also opened up new possibilities in my life. In my current job as Office and Communications coordinator for a church that is in the revitalization process, I have a deep sense that I’m adding value. I feel a large amount of freedom to show up as a creative voice in this story. I’m so grateful!
How about you? Have you explored the enneagram? What insights have you gleaned from what you’ve learned? I would love to hear your experience!
XO Ann
